The Illusion of Control
Control rarely looks like a struggle — it looks like competence. So when friends compliment me for being "on top of things" or "so put together," it blurs the line between discipline and control. And slowly, without my noticing, control becomes my idol.
What appears as discipline to the world — a carefully managed body, a tightly run schedule, a life with no loose ends — can quietly become a substitute for trusting in God. And it only deepens with every bit of praise from people I love. This was my personal experience with control. The affirmation and positive feedback from others fed the idol I had created. As my eating disorder progressed, my control centered on my appearance and what I ate. But now, years into recovery, I'm learning it seeps into every area of my life, not just food and my body. I find my grip tightening — in relationships, finances, scheduling, you name it. It's like grasping at straws, but catching none.
The Lord keeps bringing my attention back to Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV):
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."
Control often feels safer than surrender. Though I know my God is good, the enemy convinces me that self-reliance is better. But Proverbs 3 shows me that in God's all-knowing power, He will not forsake me. He will be with me, guiding the way, so I can trust in Him.
As I reflect on old journal entries from recovery, I found this one about the idol I hold of control:
“At its core, idolization of anything is a sin, and my desire to control has certainly become an idol and has limited my faith. God protected Daniel in the lion's den. He rescued Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from the burning fire. He rose Lazarus from the grave. Yet you worry if He really has this whole life thing under control?? Of course He's got it! Of course He is working behind the scenes in ways you could never imagine. Of course His will and plans for the future are better than ours. So just rest. Rest in the fullness of Christ, knowing He has the victory. It's no longer Iwho live, but Christ in me.”
Surrender is never a passive choice. It takes a daily, intentional effort of loosening a grip. It happens through prayer and reliance on God. It's possible only through the power of the Spirit within us.
I'm still learning that a well-managed life was never the goal — a surrendered one is. Call upon God today for help in surrendering the idol of control you hold. See how He works to free you.
Neely Dillon
Daughter of the King. Wife. Baker. Book Lover. Overcomer.
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