The Story He Knew I Need
The meltdown arrived right on schedule. And right behind it came the voice I know far too well. The one that doesn't miss an opportunity.
You're a horrible person. A horrible pet parent. A horrible neighbor. A horrible wife. How could you lose it like that? Your husband is so disappointed in you. And so is Jesus, especially after what He just spoke to you. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Broken Plates
But mostly, I'm human. I had reached the end of myself. In my humanness, I broke. In my humanness, I couldn't feel and process all the things. So, I shattered. Just like those dishes.
And then, in my brokenness, succumbed to my humanness - and realized: I am human. I CAN'T carry it all. And I certainly can't carry it all with perfect grace and peace and dignity.
But here's the thing. We aren't meant to.
Lessons from Backsliding
I am powerless and deeply dependent on Him to hold my healing and to transform my heart to desire His Kingdom over the false peace of controlling my body.
Allowing ourselves to be able to be broken and still okay is a strange but peaceful place to be. And we can trust the God who promises in His word that we are free and that He will sanctify us completely.
Unseen
Will you be content to be a voice that is heard but not seen? Will you do the seemingly insignificant tasks, trusting that God sees and delights in faithfulness? Will you be content to love yourself as you are, knowing that He already does?
Some of us are called to stand visible in the structure. Others are placed deep in the foundation unseen, bearing weight, holding steady. But hidden does not mean unimportant. Hidden does not mean forgotten. The Master Builder wastes nothing.
The Shift
As we left the restaurant, I had a big smile on my face, and I told her how delicious my lunch was and how I enjoyed every bite. I was filled with a feeling of true freedom, peace, and thanksgiving for my continued journey of healing.
Every day continues to be a challenge for me, yet these little shifts fill me with hope, hope that I will heal.
One Sleeve at a Time
That day on the bathroom floor, after crying for what seemed like hours, my eyes red and puffy from tears, I felt His presence surround me. I stood up, got dressed, telling myself, no more body checking.
The next morning, after taking off my pajamas, I walked past the mirror. I began the ritual, but something stopped me. No, I told myself, you don't need to do this.
The Name of Jesus
That day in the hardware store, the Holy Spirit took hold of me, marched me to the back of the store, and placed me face-to-face with the reckless and troubled soul who I’d once feared.
Then He did something Profoundly Beautiful for both of us. He set us free.
Whether I am on the right path or stumbling through my life, the Lord gives me His name.
Where I Belong
Almost immediately after I started eating, my life, my creativity, and my heart started to stir, like a bear stirring out of a long hibernation. The cave where I had stored the pieces left behind by my rationing, burst into life and started growing and blooming in ways I didn’t think possible.
Freedom and Fear
There are so many implications of the freedom talked about in Galatians 5:1. The point of freedom is not just about what we are saved FROM, It is about what we are set free FOR.