A Lesson from the Strawberry
I stood in the kitchen pondering this lesson. This freedom journey can be so hard. The winter months drag on for what seems like forever. I so quickly impatient and jump to quick fixes. I conjure up behaviors that make my heart look free or my own plans to speed along this process. The longer I walk with Jesus toward freedom the more I realize that there is no set plan there is only the Creator’s design. He designed us to be attached to Him, to ripen and bear fruit according to His plan. Yes, His way is slower than any of us want but it is the only way that will last.
A Beach Conversation
“Phew!” I thought, “I will have a few minutes to talk with some adults before I am needed again.” My new mom friend introduced me to several of her mom friends from our church, and we all began talking about our kids and the different stages of life we all were in. And then it happened, someone brought up a trigger point for me…exercise and workouts. Ugh! I felt a punch in my gut. My joy was about to fade. And then, by the grace of God, I heard a still small, gentle whisper.
A God-Guided Story
Although I had not thought about Jesus since I stopped attending CCD as an adolescent, Jesus’ name came to mind. And not only did His name come to mind, but an overwhelming need to apologize and ask for help. All I could say in that moment was “I am sorry, Jesus. Please help me.” I fell asleep soon after.
I opened to the book of Genesis and began reading. I spent the next few days reading about 200 pages sequentially in the Bible. I had no idea what I was reading. But that didn’t matter to God; He met me exactly where I was.
The Shift
As we left the restaurant, I had a big smile on my face, and I told her how delicious my lunch was and how I enjoyed every bite. I was filled with a feeling of true freedom, peace, and thanksgiving for my continued journey of healing.
Every day continues to be a challenge for me, yet these little shifts fill me with hope, hope that I will heal.
One Sleeve at a Time
That day on the bathroom floor, after crying for what seemed like hours, my eyes red and puffy from tears, I felt His presence surround me. I stood up, got dressed, telling myself, no more body checking.
The next morning, after taking off my pajamas, I walked past the mirror. I began the ritual, but something stopped me. No, I told myself, you don't need to do this.
The Treasure Behind the Mask
I was convinced that if I could just be anyone but me, my life would be so much better. I learned the art of hiding behind a mask.. I thought if I could just hide the real me, then I would be loved and I would be safe from harm. One thing I know now is that God is not ashamed of me or my story. He loves me for who I am, and I don’t have to pretend to be anybody else.
“My Flesh and My Heart May Fail” But God
Control became my idol, although I didn’t recognize it as such for many years. I believed that if I managed my body, I could manage my life — and maybe win people’s approval. But the truth was, I was enslaved to lies. My identity was rooted in performance, not in God’s unchanging love.
To Wrestle with God
Every day that I wrestled with the Lord in doubt, denial, faintheartedness, grief, or grumbling, I can now look back on with joy, because He met me there, and He has overcome
Reframing
I sit at the kitchen table alone, stewing in my feelings. I saw a pen and grabbed it. I begin writing on the napkin. As I begin to write the words “angry” and “ashamed,” I begin to wonder… “Where are these feelings coming from?” and “Are they from God?”
The enemy wanted to steal the joy of that memorable experience and he knows temptation of restriction is the most powerful way to steal my joy.
The Name of Jesus
That day in the hardware store, the Holy Spirit took hold of me, marched me to the back of the store, and placed me face-to-face with the reckless and troubled soul who I’d once feared.
Then He did something Profoundly Beautiful for both of us. He set us free.
Whether I am on the right path or stumbling through my life, the Lord gives me His name.
New Every Morning
I don't think God does “New Year”... at least not the world’s concept of it. You see, this is His way, “New Every Morning!”
Every day, every moment, He is saying, “Come, receive whatever you need, accepted, beloved child. I delight in you.”
The Apple of His Eye
That is who we are. We are made to be seen and known because we are made for a God who sees and knows. It’s just who we are. It’s our identity. Taking these things and moving them from head to heart, and from brain to central nervous system, are essential parts of recovery.
A Beautiful Spirit
Barbara’s appearance by the world’s standards would have been labeled as “too large,” “needs to lose weight,” or maybe “obese;” and yet to me, Barbara’s size simply seemed irrelevant. The gentle confidence and kindness in which she carried herself stood out far more to me than her size.
My Secret Struggle
No one would ever know my secret. And to be honest with you, I really felt like this was all normal because it's really all I ever knew. I felt very safe in my own cage, but I really wasn’t free at all.
The Mind of Christ
So how can I walk in victory when the heaviness of old thought patterns and disordered eating habits are rampid? I challenge you to begin a new habit today, come into the presence of your Savior, Redeemer, and Friend; declare to Him, "I can't but You can, I need You Jesus."