Eating Disorder Recovery and Finding Food Freedom with Constance Rhodes, ACC & Amy Shaller
"You don't have to be trapped by food struggles. You were created to be free."
Maybe you clicked this episode because something in the title caught you, the word freedom, or maybe just the hope that someone out there understands what it's like to feel trapped by food and body image struggles.
Maybe you've never told a single person what your relationship with food really looks like. Maybe you've carried this quietly for years, wondering if anyone else feels the same way, if God even cares about something this personal.
He does, and this episode is proof of that.
Today, Chrissy sits down with Constance Rhodes, founder of FINDINGbalance and author of Life Inside the Thin Cage, and Amy Schaller, outreach coordinator and longtime member of the FINDINGbalance family, to share something rare: three women, three stories, and one God who was present in every single one of them. This is the very first episode of the Old School Food Freedom Podcast, and it begins exactly where it should. At the beginning.
Here's what we cover:
The story behind FINDINGbalance, how it was born out of one woman watching her mother struggle, and how a vision God placed in Constance's heart over 30 years ago is still bearing fruit today
What the binge restrict cycle actually feels like from the inside, and why so many people spend years trapped in it without a name for what they're experiencing
Why disordered eating and body image issues so often hide in plain sight, and why looking "fine" on the outside doesn't mean you're not struggling
How shame, silence, and isolation keep food struggles locked in place, and what starts to shift when you finally let someone in
What Christian eating disorder recovery can look like when it's rooted in truth instead of willpower, and why the two are so different
How God used the brokenness in each of these women's stories not just for their own healing, but to build something that has helped thousands of people find their way to freedom
Why finding food freedom isn't about getting your eating "under control," it's about letting Jesus into the one place you've been trying to manage on your own
Friend, if you have spent years struggling in silence, cycling through restriction and overeating, hating your body, feeling disqualified from the life you were meant to live, Constance, Amy, and Chrissy have something to say to you: you are not alone in this. There is a name for what you're experiencing, and God has been with you in every single moment of it, is not disgusted by your struggle, and is not waiting for you to fix yourself before He shows up.
"Could God really care about this little struggle in my life? Yes, He does." — Constance Rhodes
This is Episode 1. The legacy of freedom starts here, not with having it all figured out, but with three women willing to tell the truth about where they've been and who walked with them through it. Christian eating disorder recovery doesn't begin with a program or a plan. It begins with the moment you stop fighting alone.
If this episode spoke to something you've been quietly carrying, would you share it with someone who needs to know they're not the only one?
We’d love to hear your thoughts, so please drop us an email at admin@findingbalance.com, send us a voice message via SpeakPipe, or you can also subscribe for more practical episodes coming your way.
More About Constance Rhodes
Constance is the author of Life Inside the Thin A Personal Look into the Hidden World of the Chronic Dieter and the Art of Reflections on the Beauty and Risk of Embracing Who We Are. Inspired by her own personal journey to freedom from disordered eating, Constance founded FINDINGbalance in 2002 and spent the next 20 years building it into the leading Christian resource for food and body image issues.
More About Amy Schaller
Amy has been involved with FINDINGbalance since 2006 as a volunteer, donor, and friend to the ministry. Like Constance, Amy’s personal experience with finding freedom from food issues served as a catalyst for the work she does today as Outreach Coordinator, using her gifts to connect and encourage many of the people FINDINGbalance serves. Amy lives in California with her husband, Mark. They have one son.
Mentioned Scriptures
Galatians 5:1, Gensis 50:20
Mentioned Resources
Book “Life Inside the Thin Cage”
Book “The Art of Being”
Connect with Constance Rhodes:
FINDINGbalance:
Facebook
Instagram
SpeakPipe – send us a voice message
CHRIST-CENTERED RESOURCES TO HELP YOU FIND FREEDOM
The Daily Vitamin eDevo: A free devotional with bite-sized truth emailed 5 days a week
Community Groups: Find connection with prayer groups and our Hello, Freedom! community.
Christian Treatment Finder: Connecting you with Christian providers experienced in treating eating issues.
Lasting Freedom Online Course: A Christ-centered, non-diet course to work through false beliefs about food and weight so you can live free from disordered eating and body image issues.
CREDITS:
Intro music by “MokkaMusic” – Old Jeans (Funk)
Production & Editing by Marketing With Wisdom
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The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prescribe a particular course of action. If you have, or suspect you may have, an eating disorder, please consult your healthcare provider. If you desire to receive faith-based care, visit ChristianTreatmentFinder.com to browse professionals with a Kingdom campaign against eating disorders.
More about the Old School Food Freedom Podcast
In today’s diet-culture society, food issues and body hatred have become the norm. But you were created to be FREE. Welcome to Old School Food Freedom, where we go back to the basics, God’s basics, for how we view food, our bodies, and our worth.
Hosted by FINDINGbalance Executive Director Chrissy Kirkman, this podcast features Biblically-sound experts, thought-leaders, artists, and everyday people who will inspire you to interrupt negative cultural soundtracks and rediscover God’s original design for your relationship with food and your body.
This show will deliver practical, faith-filled insights on how to break free from diet culture and body shame through the lens of scripture. If you’re looking for guidance on how to heal your relationship with food while deepening your faith, you're in the right place.
We’ll answer questions like
What does the Bible say about food freedom?
How can I overcome an eating disorder or disordered eating with Jesus?
What is the biblical perspective on diet culture?
How can I find peace with food as a Christian?
What does it mean to treat your body as a temple in relation to eating?
How can I break free from diet culture with Jesus?
How can I align my eating habits with biblical teachings?
What are the first steps to finding food freedom in Christ?
This podcast is for anyone ready to walk away from diet culture and into the freedom that Christ offers. Whether you’re recovering from an eating disorder, disordered eating, wrestling with body image, or simply craving a more peaceful relationship with food, this space was made for you.
If you want to experience true food freedom with Jesus, this podcast will give you the encouragement, truth, and tools to do just that.
The unedited transcript for this episode of Old School Food Freedom
Amy Schaller [00:01:05]: And so excited to be here with you, Chrissy and Constance.
Chrissy [00:01:09]: Awesome. Yeah. Well, I just want to say, if this is your first time watching and you're watching right as we launch, or if it's down the road, you're going to hear us fumble through and get our voice and learn how to do this whole thing, you're on the journey with us and. And we're excited to have you here. I just want to say none of us have all the answers right. We're all human. But we're here to encourage each other, support each other and learn what is true and look to Jesus and His word to find the truth and what he says and how he created us to be. And that's the whole purpose of the Old School Food Freedom Podcast.
Chrissy [00:01:50]: So, Constance and Amy, before we jump in, I would love to introduce you to. To our listeners. So Constance is the author of Life Inside the Thin A Personal look into the Hidden World of the Chronic Dieter and the Art of Reflections on the Beauty and Risk of Embracing who We Are. Inspired by her own personal journey to freedom from disordered eating, Constance founded finding balance in 2002 and spent the next 20 years building it into the leading Christian resource for food and body image issues. You'll hear more about that journey and the work she finds herself doing now in today's episode. And then we have Amy Schaller. She has been involved with finding balance since 2006 as a volunteer, a donor, and a friend to the ministry. Like Constance, Amy's personal experience with finding freedom from food issues served as a catalyst for the work she does today as outreach coordinator and awesome team member, using her gifts to connect and encourage many of the people of finding balance or that we serve.
Old School Icebreaker: What Do You Miss From Back in the Day?
Chrissy [00:02:56]: So we're going to do something a little different on our show that you might not have seen before. And we're going to start off with this little icebreaker called what old school item do you miss from back in the day, Constance?Constance [00:03:09]: Okay, so in our pre production call, you mentioned Trapper keepers. Now, I don't miss them because I don't need one today, but I love them. And I can still, like, see, smell what it smelled like, like when you put your little folders inside and all of that. And then what I really miss is tricks with the original recipe. Okay. All these old cereals were way, way, way better in the day. You know, they were like way sweeter. So I miss tricks than like original recipe.
Constance [00:03:39]: They need to bring it back.
Chrissy [00:03:41]: I agree. We're going to start a petition.
Amy Schaller [00:03:45]: And for me, it is ice cream makers. Not the ones that you shake or whatever, but an ice cream maker that when we were little kids, you would sit on, you dump the ingredients in the cylinder, the metal cylinder. You would fill the liner, the wood liner with ice and rock salt, and you would sit on the top to keep the top down, and you would crank it. And that was the best ice cream ever. And as I was thinking about that, I realized that's why I like vanilla, because we always had vanilla. And sometimes my dad would put in like strawberries to make strawberry. But vanilla, vanilla ice cream is the best.
Constance [00:04:27]: Yes.
Chrissy [00:04:27]: I love that you said that. My mom is going to listen to this and be like, yes. Because my grandma was the expert at that. That everything you described, that's what it was in fourth of July. There was nothing like it. So on our first episode, we want to talk about the legacy of freedom. We want to share with you the story of finding balance, how it all came to be, why we're here, why our mission matters, and where does Jesus fit into our struggles with food and body image? So, Constance, as the founder, it makes sense that we would begin with your story. Would you like to share, please?
The Origin of FINDINGbalance: Constance Rhodes' Eating Disorder Recovery Story
Constance [00:05:04]: Yes. Okay. So I love that we're talking about this. You know, in our pre production call, when this word legacy came up, all three of us were like, yes, because that's what it's about, right? It's the legacy. It's the reason why we want to be free ourselves and help people find freedom. And so I'll give a little piece of sort of the genesis of that, at least this organization starts actually with my mom. So when I was a young girl, my mom. My mom was battling an eating disorder.Constance [00:05:35]: And it was a pretty significant thing that was happening in our home. It, you know, food issues for your listeners. Some may be joining who are, you know, in one type of disordered eating and some in others. And, you know, food issues can sometimes look like no big deal, and sometimes they can progress and be really, really obvious, and people get more concerned about those. And that was kind of where my mom was at. She was really battling bulimia when I was young. And so that was a type of disordered eating that was more obvious to us. You know, we could see the signs.
Constance [00:06:13]: We knew that she was unwell. We didn't know why she. She tried to get treatment. This was a long time ago. So there wasn't a lot out there for these issues. And I remember watching my mom, who was beautiful, and I didn't think had any, you know, weight issues. Like, I didn't understand that concern for her. And I remember just thinking, if only she could just know that she doesn't have to do this, and feeling kind of helpless to help her or to really understand.
Constance [00:06:46]: One of the things I know both of you have heard me talk about is I did find her journals during that time. She was trying to figure out this problem herself. She was in school to become a psychologist. She was really trying to understand this disordered eating cycle, but she was very trapped by it. Well, when I went to Bible college, I was kind of young. I moved from Michigan all the way to Texas. I was only 16, just a little shy of 17. And so I had a lot of.
Constance [00:07:15]: I thought I was ready for the world, but I. I know now that I wasn't. And I moved down to Texas. I felt kind of lonely. I struggled making relationships, and. And I began to turn to food to comfort my feelings of loneliness or being left out of things. And I didn't even know what I was doing now. This was 1988, so the Internet was not a thing nobody had talked about.
The Binge Restrict Cycle: What It Really Feels Like
Constance [00:07:40]: Freshman 15. That wasn't like an understood concept. All I knew is I was eating a lot to keep me from feeling lonely. And then, sure enough, I gained a lot of weight really, really fast. And for me, I was never in a larger body personally. And so for me, to go through a significant weight gain, that for me was significant. In retrospect, it wasn't that big of a deal, but I felt like it really shook my value, my identity, I felt I began to be very consumed with trying to lose this weight as fast as I could. And then, as both of you know, and as many listeners probably know, the harder that I tried to control that weight, the more rigid I got in my diet, the more I would then find myself, like, breaking out of that and then binging because I was really hungry.Constance [00:08:33]: And this began a cycle for me that turned into kind of a binge, starve cycle. And again, this was, you know, early 90s. Now, nobody talks about those kinds of things, but that's what I was in. And it went the gamut. You know, there were times when I ate so much food that I was in physical pain. And I literally felt hungover the next day as my body tried to process all of what I had jammed in there the night before. But there were also seasons during this period of time when I went long periods of time eating very little, and I. You know, my.
Constance [00:09:13]: My weight would drop and I would have trouble focusing. I would be isolating from people. I just couldn't kind of. I couldn't get my head together. And so all of the. All that time through these cycles, I didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to who would understand. So eventually. And I document a lot of this in my book, Life Inside the Thin Cage.
Constance [00:09:35]: It's an old book now, but it still has a lot of good things in it. And if your listeners want to hear more of the journey, I document a lot of it in there. But eventually what happened is after about three years of what I would say felt like a roller coaster. So I'm binging and eating too much and gaining lots of weight, and then I'm restricting and eating too little and losing weight. This whole roller coaster thing, I began to get a grip on the binging. I began to be able to just normalize a little bit more. And then for me, what happened is, as my weight normalized back to what was normal for me, I was so terrified and kind of traumatized by that cycle that I just kind of clicked into this seven more years of, like, rigidness with my diet. So I wasn't clinically having an eating disorder.
Constance [00:10:27]: I was completely consumed with what I ate, what I weighed. I mean, down to a Tic Tac or a communion wafer. Like, I was very aware of every calorie that came in. In this season of time, I got married. I started working in the Christian music industry. On the outside, I think everything was looking good, and I was successful, and I was pursuing a lot of different things. But on the inside, I was completely bound up by fears about food and weight. I believed that if I gained as little as a pound, I would lose my job.
Constance [00:11:04]: Like, I literally had my weight so tied to who I was, what made me matter, what even gave me my job, which is ridiculous in retrospect, but felt very real at the time. And so eventually, 10 years had gone by, three years of the roller coaster, seven years of the long controlled diet. And I document this more in the book. But eventually, God got my attention, and I went to a doctor and I kind of told her what all I was doing, and. And she wrote on my slip my diagnosis, anorexia. And I remember looking at that diagnosis, and immediately I knew I hadn't met certain criteria for anorexia. But I had this choice to make. Like, this doctor thinks I have an issue, and I kind of know that maybe I have an issue.
Choosing to Get Help: Overcoming the Shame of a Disordered Eating Diagnosis
Constance [00:11:55]: I felt like that particular day I had a choice to make, which. Whether I was going to admit that there was a struggle or just pretend that there wasn't. And I felt like God was really with me that day. I remember sitting in the car just, like, terrified about accepting this diagnosis and admitting to myself that I had a problem. That felt so shameful to me, and I felt so afraid. Like, if I admit this to myself, then what if other people find out? And again, what if I lose my job or, you know, these crazy things, notions of what all that would mean. But I. I knew that I wasn't free.Constance [00:12:34]: I knew that I was in bondage, and something in me wanted to be free. One thing quickly that I didn't mention, but it's relevant here. During those three roller coaster years, I was traveling with my school singing group, and we were in Germany, and ladies would come up for prayer at the end. And through a translator, many of the ladies that asked to be prayed for by me had eating disorders. Now, again, this was 1991, I think this was not a common topic. I wasn't sharing any story about having food issues. I was battling food issues, but no one knew it. And these things were happening.
Constance [00:13:10]: And God was putting in my heart this idea, this, like, little tiny kernel of an idea of compassion for other people who had this struggle. And then one night on that trip, I woke up in the middle of the night, and I just had kind of this vision of myself on a stage at my school, which was a Christian college down in Texas, and helping people with these issues. And so I mentioned that, because then those 10 years had gone by. Here I was, and God was saying it's time to get a hold of this issue and he refreshed that vision in me. And then I know we'll get into it more in a minute, but, but that is what became, what pushed me toward getting well and towards starting the ministry that today is called Finding Balance.
Chrissy [00:13:55]: Wow, that's really insightful. I can relate to when you were talking about seeing your mom struggle or go through those, you know, wanting to be different or, or to lose weight and you were just like, you're beautiful. Why do you need to, to do those things? I can feel that. I remember seeing my mom and grandma always on some kind of diet and, and just looking at them and thinking, I don't, you're perfect. Like to me this is like, I love everything about you and just who you are, where you are now. So I thank you for, for sharing that. Amy, ready to hear your story.
Amy Schaller's Disordered Eating Recovery Story
Amy Schaller [00:14:33]: Okay, so there is so much to my story, so I'm going to keep it brief. I wanted to write it down. This is actually the very first time that I'm actually telling my story. So here we go. Growing up in the 1960s and 70s as the firstborn of four children, food was either feast or famine. Dad was a high school teacher and mom stayed at home. Money was tight and we were allotted small portions and made to sit at the table until our plates were clean. I had a traumatic experience when I was 3 years old and I think that led me to not feel comfortable in my body.Amy Schaller [00:15:12]: Throughout my youth, I'd stare for hours in the mirror, scrutinizing my face and looking at all the flaws. While in sixth grade I was invited to help in the cafeteria with cafeteria duty. I found comfort by not being limited in how much I could put on my plate, going back for seconds and thirds of the foods that I liked. In my teen years, I had no control when I babysat, binging foods that were not found in my own home. Though my parents went on and off to church, that was the extent of my Christian upbringing. After a life changing event at 19, I accepted the Lord and within a week God led me to Los Angeles living with a girl from work who I barely knew in a studio apartment which was all we could afford. I got a job working at a high end clothing boutique that catered to Hollywood actresses who, who wanted to impress management kept me behind the register and didn't want me talking with the clients. Feeling alone, especially around my roommate who seemed to thrive in LA.
Amy Schaller [00:16:17]: I stopped eating during the day and would binge at night. As a new Christian in a world I was unfamiliar with, I focused on my Bible as I rode the bus back and forth from work. It was during one of those rides that God told me it was time to go back home to my family after only six months there. Once home, I was blessed to meet the man who would become my husband and we started going to church together. The disordered eating behaviors raged when I moved out on my own at 23 and throughout the first three years of married life. When my husband's job left me alone at night, I always felt shame in my relationship with food. Overeating, restricting, binging, purging, over exercising. Nothing was balanced or in moderation and it had to be all or nothing, no in between.
Amy Schaller [00:17:05]: I hated the stuffed feeling after potlucks at church and eating out, the lightheadedness of restriction. And I had no control eating when in social situations or at work. And I always felt inadequate in large groups wanting to disappear. My husband and I struggled to get pregnant and we had a miscarriage. And when I became pregnant again at age 29, it was the first time I felt beautiful in my body. The disordered eating stopped and those nine months were my best body image time. Once my son was born, I struggled for two years with postpartum depression and self harming thoughts until I was invited to a Bible study at church that had an exercise component. I would find relief from my obsessive thoughts during this class and I went back to school to get certified to teach aerobics.
Amy Schaller [00:17:56]: However, at church I felt I didn't fit in. The other new moms were perfect and I was not and whenever my son was in their child care, I found him in the corner labeled the bad boy. I left that church and occasionally church hopped trying to find a place that felt right. Twelve years later in 2005 after reading the Purpose Driven Life, I went back to my old church and and found my place and began co leading women's Bible studies. By then I was a certified personal trainer with a successful business. Through the years, a select few I confided in about my eating behaviors said because I looked healthy, I wasn't sick with anorexia or bulimia. I knew in my heart that my relationship with food was not right. I just wanted someone to help me.
Amy Schaller [00:18:45]: But my friend's words gave me no solace for the shame I felt inside. It would be years later when I heard of Constance and finding balance that I was told I wasn't alone. That although I wasn't eating or exercising in a balanced way. God was with me and for me and had never left me. I found hope and peace in the community at finding balance.
Chrissy Kirkman's Story: Food and Body Image, Shame, and Finding Freedom
Chrissy [00:19:08]: Amy, thank you for sharing that. I. I applaud your bravery and being so real and open and vulnerable to share like both of you, and I'm about to do the same. But it's hard to reveal some of these tender places and. And to think back how often we struggled in silence, in isolation, alone, by ourselves. Jesus was with us. He saw what we were going through, and sometimes we reached out to him, and other times it was just us trying to fend for ourselves. Yeah, it's a hard journey.Chrissy [00:19:47]: And we understand if you're listening and you can relate to anything that we've said so far. We understand that this is difficult. So my story. I was raised as a dramatic, musically inclined only child in a Christian home in Missouri with very loving, incredible parents. I accepted Jesus into my heart as my savior when I was seven. Seven. And my dad. My dad's now a pastor.
Chrissy [00:20:16]: My parents planted a church in 2000. No, that's wrong. 1998. And I really don't remember struggling much with body image or food until high school. And there was one incident in high school. I was a senior. I just got my senior pictures back, and a boy. You know, not a romantic interest or anything, but this boy in my class, um, it was like, hey, I want one.
Chrissy [00:20:41]: So he looked. I handed him some pictures, and he looked at one of them, and he looked at me and he said, you really shouldn't be wearing that. And then handed the photo back to me and chose a more acceptable photo for him to keep and look at. And immediately I was, like, right at my own defense. Like, I am beautiful. I don't know what you're talking about. And, like, came to my defense. And then the room started spinning and my heart started racing, and it was like, within seconds, I was zoned out.
Chrissy [00:21:09]: And that's when I was making an agreement, like, accepting the lie that my body's not good enough and it needs to be fixed to be acceptable. Like, this guy represents my peer group of high school, and he represents, all of a sudden, all guys. So if he doesn't like what he's seeing, then no other guy or person would. And so, you know, this lie was reinforced. And when I was dating a couple of different guys, I went into their room and they had these scantily clad women in these posters on their wall. And a. I was super uncomfortable. I'm thinking, if this is what you're expecting sorely gonna be disappointed because A, you're not getting anything and B, like this isn't who I am.
Chrissy [00:21:54]: I don't like, is this what you want? Is this what guys want? And so that just kind of reinforced the lie. So then my eating habits started to change. I stopped eating breakfast. I wasn't really a huge breakfast eater, but then I like literally was not going to eat any breakfast. Then I started doing vending machine lunches where I'd have one little bag of chips, maybe a cookie and a Mountain Dew like every day. Not healthy, not nourishing. Messed with my mind. Not, not great.
Chrissy [00:22:22]: Funyuns are good. But I tried some. I was always eating Funyuns. I don't know why, but I tried some a couple like few months ago and I was like, ugh. Like it just bad vibes, bad, bad memories. Okay. So then I was married at 19 as a super insecure young woman. And when that marriage ended seven years later, my body just did not handle it well.
Overcoming Body Shame: When Diet After Diet Fails
Chrissy [00:22:46]: The stress just wreaked havoc. And I developed several medical issues. Three ICU stays, more than 10 visits to the ER by ambulance in a year. I had a week long stay at a respiratory hospital in Denver where I was diagnosed with vocal cord dysfunction. I was on steroids for an entire year. And every time I would try to taper, slowly taper off of them, my body would just flip out, react. I'd be back in the hospital. And steroids, as we know, cause you to gain weight.Chrissy [00:23:17]: And so that really negatively impacted my body, my weight, my self esteem. And so as my health improved, my self esteem did not. And I loathed my appearance. I load loathed the way that I had gained. I felt like a total failure because diet after diet just failed me. Nothing seemed to work, nothing lasted. And the more I tried something and it didn't work, the more I felt like it's all my fault. Shame upon shame upon shame.
Chrissy [00:23:47]: And I felt very disqualified from being fully used by God because of my size and the fact that I was divorced. Like so much shame. Didn't change my name back to my maiden name. So embarrassed and ashamed. Yet I felt this calling inside of me on my life so strong I could not ignore it or deny it. And then I eventually remarried, became a bonus mom. Life was great. Yeah, I still couldn't love myself.
Chrissy [00:24:13]: And I constantly just wanted to hide. Amy, you mentioned hiding. Wanting to just isolate, disconnect, or make jokes about my size or my body before someone else could. And while the previous health issues that I had started to improve or had improved. Then I, my struggles with pcos, hypothyroidism, severe like chronic endometriosis and infertility, all of that was at an all time high. And during a, you know, a span of a few years, I lost five babies. I had five female surgeries. The last was which, the last of which was a hysterectomy at the age of 37.
Chrissy [00:24:59]: So I spent several years, you know, just grieving and hating my body and being angry at my body and feeling like my spirit was absolutely crushed. And you know, being a mom was the dream I had had for my whole life. I, I was pretending to be a mom as young as I can remember. So it feel felt like my body was just failing me. Yet I continued somehow trusting God and saying, God, you are good, you never fail. You have a reason for this and I trust you in this. And, and so after my hysterectomy I just, something changed in me. I felt like it is finished.
Chrissy [00:25:39]: I felt that door was closed. Now it's time to move on. Doesn't mean I don't still grieve and it doesn't hurt but, but there is so much healing that has taken place. And so after that hysterectomy, I took a leap from the corporate ladder and left my corporate job to work with children and women in different capacities. And in 2019 I learned about another trending diet paired with intermittent fasting. And at the time it seemed like a great idea because it's like, well, I go loads of hours without eating. I'm pretty much intermittent fasting, right? Why not? So we can now just call it that rather than disordered eating. But for me it didn't work and it caused serious side effects in my body and it led me to the deepest, darkest pit of dieting oppression that I've ever been in.
Chrissy [00:26:33]: And before I would have asked for God to help me, Lord, help me. I don't know why I struggle. I'm sorry I don't have enough self confidence. But then I would take my claws and I'd claw my way up out of the pit and go back into something new. And I'll take it from here. I've got this. But I was started reading the book the Circle Maker by Mark Batterson and working through his 40 day devotional like a prayer journal called Draw the Circle. And so I poured my heart out to God, just, you know, lord, would you help me find freedom from this dieting bondage I'm in? I need you to help me I reached my arms up and I was like, I'm begging you, rescue me from this.
Chrissy [00:27:16]: Because I refuse, refuse to do this myself. I'm not getting out of here. You have to do this. And so on June 21, 2019, the Prayer Journal on that day happened to challenge me to pray a courageous and bold prayer. And so here's what I wrote. 2019. Dear Jesus, please use my insecurity to help hundreds of thousands of women around the world overcome their insecurities and become close to you because of it. Help me turn this into a living testimony of what you can do with the enemy's dirty tricks that keep us stuck.
Chrissy [00:27:53]: It sounds crazy to think of asking you to help me fully love myself, flaws and all. But in my head and in my head, it seems crazy to me that loving myself fully and overcoming insecurity could be a real possibility. But with you, God, all things are possible. And, you know, the next song, I'm thinking, all things are possible. Like, everybody, come on. So that's a month later is when God led me to Finding balance and the lasting freedom at really, the Instagram account first. And I just saw all kinds of truths and the enemy's lies being canceled by biblical truth. And I was like, lord, this is the answer to your.
Chrissy [00:28:37]: To the prayers. Like, I know this is it. And so then I became a member of the Lasting Freedom group, and I never imagined that I would be sitting here today.
How FINDINGbalance Became a Leading Christian Resource for Disordered Eating Help
Constance [00:28:49]: Well, it's such a great story. First of all, I just hope that what your listeners are hearing between the three of us is such a wide range of important things. It's, you know, we're all different ages. We're all in different size and shapes. You know, we've all had different components, but ultimately in each. Each of our stories is this internal push toward wanting to be free and then looking for Jesus in that. So. So we'll catch our listeners up because.Constance [00:29:23]: So when I dropped, you know, the end of my story would have been 1990. Was it 4 or 5? I don't know. I think 98 actually is when I was beginning to get well. Right. And God refreshes that vision in my heart. So I launched Finding Balance because there was nothing out there that I had found that was Christian and dealt with food issues. And I hadn't seen anything out there that dealt with food issues that weren't extreme. Right.
Constance [00:29:55]: And so I had discovered at that time in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Issues in that season, I think they were on version four, and they had this category called E, D, N O S. Eating disorders not otherwise specified. They have since changed the naming of that. But I was excited because I was like, you mean I'm not alone? You mean there's a place for us like that have these issues that, you know, that. That could remind us that we don't have to live this way. So knowing that category then pushed me toward how could there be resources now?
Remember, God had placed me working in the Christian music industry. That meant I'd had six years of school, if you will, on marketing and artist development and publicity and like creating things and structure and order and all of these different things and relationships with artists and with ministries and publishers. Like all of these things.
Constance [00:30:58]: God was doing his thing. He's doing it for all three of us, right? In different ways. So I launch out with a little, I think it was a four page or a six page website called Finding Balance. My husband put it together for me. He's an IT guy. And that evolved over what became almost 20 years of all kinds of things that we created. And of course, Amy came into our world. I'll let her tell that story.
Constance [00:31:26]: But over those years, you know, we created curriculum. We got to do these really cool events called Hungry for Hope. We got to launch the world's first, to my knowledge, online support program. This was years before COVID hit, before everyone went online. God was putting all the pieces into place. So bring all the way to 2019. You know, that same time when you, Chrissy, are writing in your Circle Maker journal and having this vision to reach, you know, hundreds of thousands of women, which sounds crazy, right, because you weren't in an environment where that was an easy next step for you, right? But in 2019, through a series of things happening, I felt that God was calling me to move out of this ministry that I had founded. It's a long story and it wasn't an easy thing to come to, but I knew that that's what he was saying.
Constance [00:32:20]: And I began looking around for feeling like somebody should carry this forward. I didn't feel like it was supposed to go away. Even though it looked on paper like it just couldn't make it. I just felt like this issue hasn't gone away. Well, you know, then 2020 hit. Covid hit. People needed online resources more than ever. And you and I started talking just before 2020.
Constance [00:32:45]: And God again was putting things into place for this ministry to carry on and for more lives to be touched.
Chrissy [00:32:53]: And what I love about the timing is. Well, what's interesting, I'll say, is once I went through the Lasting Freedom program in the middle of the pandemic, which was actually, I feel very blessed to have that companion in a pandemic. But. But when. When you and AJ, her husband, shared this video about finding balance, sunsetting and going away, I felt like there was this dagger in my heart. I would like. It knocked the wind out of me. And I was new to finding balance.
Chrissy [00:33:31]: I mean, maybe I. I had heard about it for. Kind of just been in the world for about a year, but it. I couldn't breathe. And I just, like, remember sobbing, thinking, how can this go away? This is too good. Like, Lord, there is no way. But never did it occur to me that, well, maybe I just need to, you know, talk to Constance. Like, it wasn't like that.
Chrissy [00:33:53]: She opened. Opened a. An opportunity, and I thought, well, maybe I could use this as, like a. A supplemental offering for. As a. As a Christian life coach. But then we started having conversations, and God. God just kept putting pieces into place.
Chrissy [00:34:11]: And before we knew it, I was having conversations with the board of directors and interviews, and it was totally God at work.
How Amy Found Disordered Eating Help Through FINDINGbalance
Amy Schaller [00:34:22]: So for me, it was 2003. I'm struggling. I'm not thinking that. I mean, I'm knowing something is wrong with my relationship with food and all my friends. I never talked to my doctor about it. I struggled in silence with professionals, never. Although I did speak to counselors about it. But 2003 comes, and I'm looking at Shape magazine.Amy Schaller [00:34:49]: I don't even know if that's still a subscription that you can get, but I'm looking at Shape magazine in August of 2003, and there's an article in there, and I'm the Finding Balance historian, and I have this article, and it says, are you a weird eater? And the article is screaming to me, and it's telling me about Constance's book, Life Inside the Thin Cage, and it's talking about Ednas. And I'm like, wait a minute. You mean that there is a name for what's going on with me? And so I got her book. It did take me a couple of years to actually open it up and start to read it. And once I read it, I was like, this is somebody who gets me. And you know the story. Her mom was a quadriplegic. My mom was a paraplegic.
Amy Schaller [00:35:44]: There were so many things that were similar with her story that I reached out to her and I said, you've got this book. I would love to do a Bible study with it at my church. Are you going to have like a Christian companion guide with this. And the rest was history. She worked on it for a few years. I think she was pregnant with her youngest daughter. And that came out. And as a result, I was doing Bible studies based on her book and the Finding Balance Gathering and Finding Balance with Food curriculum, which were all precursors to the Lasting Freedom program that came out in there was Recover Holiday Freedom, and that was around October of 2013.
Amy Schaller [00:36:35]: And I've been involved with finding balance since about 2006 when I reached out to her and going to the Hungry for Hope events. And my husband is involved as well. And he actually did not find out about all that I had been struggling with until 2012. No, 2011, at the first Hungry for Hope event, when he, he and I sat down and we had a heart to heart. And opening up to him was really the beginning of my freedom story, because once I did that and became vulnerable and transparent with him, he was like, oh, all in with the work that I was doing, becoming a regular donor to Finding Balance. He would help at the next two or three Hungry for Hope events, and it became a family.
The Legacy of Freedom: What God Does With What the Enemy Meant for Harm
Constance [00:37:35]: Yeah.Chrissy [00:37:36]: So.
Amy Schaller [00:37:36]: Yeah.
Constance [00:37:37]: Well, one thing I want to just mention that struck me a moment ago, Chrissy, when you were talking about, you know, how God was shaping things, and then, Amy, what you just said about family. So maybe any of your listeners can imagine that founding something is like having a child. Right. And I carried this child to term and I. I walked with it almost 20 years. And then God, you know, we thought it was maybe just going to go away. Die, really. Right.
Constance [00:38:08]: So I went through the feeling of complete loss and grief. I knew in my heart that God was calling me into some new territory that was in different spaces. And God in his grace and mercy and love for me, I mean, I take it personally that he had already orchestrated you, Amy, who I knew and trusted, and you'd been in our world for a long time and we were already like a family of sorts of. And then, Chrissy, you became someone that I was knowing, and you were already. You had been able to go through Finding balance as a person that we serve. So you had that perspective. And it's been so beautiful to me when we talk about the legacy. Right.
Constance [00:38:55]: Of freedom, you know, each of us walking into freedom in different ways. The way that God has allowed this, this ministry, this organization to then be carried forward by you ladies. And you are building a team that's growing and includes currently, Liesl is on that, and she's another one who is already in our world. And it's so beautiful to me how God, in each one of our stories, was doing work for each one of us individually and in the way that only he can do. He was putting together this tapestry that here we are today on the very first podcast that Finding Balance has ever done, which, by the way, was something that I, for years, when I was running the organization, wanted to do, intended to do, would have been great at, and it never happened. But here we are today celebrating you, Chrissy, you know, doing this podcast, taking Finding Balance forward into the future. And I feel just so proud of all that you ladies are doing together, knowing that. That God has this.
Constance [00:39:58]: That he cares so much about. Every person who's listening to this now who thinks, you know, could God really care about this little struggle in my life? Yes, he does. And more importantly, he cares about the legacy of each one of us and what he's calling us to do. And so it just warms my heart, you know, to be able to see how he's taking the. Even my. It's really my mother's legacy, if you think about it. And she didn't even have anything really to do with it as far as what it looks like today, but it's the legacy of her and what she went through. And then Genesis 50:20, that what the enemy attempts to harm God would use for good, for the saving of many lives.
Constance [00:40:39]: And here that's all happening. So I love that piece of it. I know that that's true in each one of our lives in different ways. And looking at the two of you today on this podcast, you know, it just warms my heart to see that in action.
Chrissy [00:40:53]: It's so sweet. And when you read or recited that verse and shared the story about, you know, feeling like you gave birth to this organization and. And you were giving it to God, I. The very first month I started working with Finding Balance, I started having these serious stomach pains that landed me in the hospital for a week. And when I was in there, there was one night we never figured out what it was. Didn't know what caused it. But my dad, you know, I mentioned as a pastor, but he. He called and said, I feel like this is a spiritual attack, and I'm praying against it.
Chrissy [00:41:28]: I'm praying it just goes away. And I know it'll be hard to not have an answer, and that's a pretty big bill to not know why you're in there, but. But I'm praying that it'll just go away and you can just get out of there, which is what happened? But at one point in the middle of the night, I woke up and I. And I felt like I was having a. Like I heard the enemy say to me, you're such a failure. You can't have children of your own.
Amy Schaller [00:41:57]: You.
Chrissy [00:41:57]: All you'll ever be is a bonus mom. You couldn't even be successful as a business owner. You have to be a bonus mom to somebody else's organization. And I just remember just this, this sense of just shame, guilt, self loathing, failure. All of this just, just came over me, just so oppressive. And then something within me rose up and I said, you know what? I know it sounds weird, but I'm in this hospital room in the middle of the night and I'm saying, no, I love being a bonus mom. I am a great bonus mom. I get to love other people's children and do everything that I can.
Chrissy [00:42:38]: And I didn't have to do the diaper stuff. Like, I mean, there's a win somewhere. But I'm going to be the best bonus mom I could possibly be for Finding Balance. And the Lord is going to be the one doing the. The directing. So thank you for letting me be a bonus mom, Constance.
Constance [00:42:56]: You're an awesome bonus mom. I couldn't ask for more.
Galatians 5:1 and the Mission of Food Freedom Through Faith
Chrissy [00:43:02]: I also wanted to mention, at Finding Balance, we have a key verse, it's Galatians 5:1, and that says, it is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. And so it's very important to us not to. Not just to be free, but to then rise up and know that there's an enemy out there that's going to want to try to trick you. And. And I still, I'm. We are all real people living on this earth and we are all inundated with images and words of, you know, losing weight and you should be this and a diet culture that says that.Chrissy [00:43:46]: And it takes a lot of effort and work. But God's with us. God has a plan for us. He cares. He died on the cross for you. He wants to be invited into this struggle. He fits into this struggle. He cares and he has redeemed all three of our stories.
Chrissy [00:44:05]: We're not perfect. We don't have it all figured out. But. But we have lived life and we have learned and we are growing closer every day to the Lord. So wherever you are today, maybe you're in the thick of it. Maybe you're starting to heal and you have recovery that's taking place. Maybe you're. You're feeling free. I just want to ask you this question.
Chrissy [00:44:28]: Just think of this. Maybe you want to journal it or pray over. But what could redemption look like for you right where you are now? You don't have to, like, achieve any goal or get to a certain place before redemption can happen for you. You just show up and put your hands up if you feel like you're in a pit. Jesus, I need you. You have to do this. I can't do it. And it's that full surrender.
What Does True Freedom Look Like? Finding Food Freedom in Everyday Life
Chrissy [00:44:55]: Where does Jesus fit? Constance and Amy. Constance, I'll ask you first, describe the last time you experienced true freedom. And it doesn't necessarily have to be food or dieting, but when you think of what true freedom looks like in your life, describe that to us.Constance [00:45:16]: I was thinking about this question today. So food issues haven't been a struggle for me for some years now. Right. But I was just thinking about, like, where do I feel the most free? And you ladies both know this, but my husband and I love to do soaking worship. And so that means we, you know, we go to a church somewhere or sometimes we even do it in our home. And it's just this lingering, like, unagendaed, cinematic, awesome music with a purpose of connecting with God and surrendering to Him. And I recently got to do that, just actually earlier this week at our church. And when I'm in those moments, I never feel more free than that.
Constance [00:46:01]: And it's so interesting. The last time I led it at even a women's gathering, the Lord told me that day that he wanted me to. To do it without any makeup on. It was kind of random, but I just felt like he was like, man, you don't need any. Anything, just this. And because of how free and just totally myself I feel in that setting, I was totally able to do that. I was a tiny bit distracted by it at the very front. More like, for what will other people.
Constance [00:46:29]: Will they be distracted? But I just felt really fully myself and fully who he made me to be and totally free in that setting. So those are my favorite times.
Chrissy [00:46:39]: Beautiful, Amy.
Amy Schaller [00:46:42]: And for me would have to be about a month ago, we went kayaking, and we had bought these kayaks about four or five years ago, and they've been sitting in the garage all this time. And one of the reasons they've been there is because I have a fear of deep water. You buy kayaks to go in the water, and I have a fear of deep, dark water. And so we went to a friend's cabin we got the kayaks out on the lake. One way across the lake I was along the shore. But coming back, I set my sights on a shack that was across the lake. And I started paddling through the deepest part and was like, wow. As long as I kept my sights on that shack, I was okay.
Amy Schaller [00:47:31]: If I didn't think about how many thousands of feet deep is this lake, if I just set my sights on the goal, I was okay. And as I sat there paddling, I was just like, I'm in the middle of God's creation with the lake, the water, the peace of the water, and the, you know, sound of the water as I paddled. And I just felt a sense of freedom looking up at the sky and the beautiful clouds and knowing that my goal, like my goal is to serve Jesus, to be the best that I can be for him. And I had the sense of freedom. I don't know that I've ever felt that before, so I think that would be the most recent time I felt freedom.
Closing: You Were Created to Be Free
Chrissy [00:48:14]: That's beautiful. Okay, I may like this segment better than anything because those were amazing ladies. Thank you so much for enduring and helping me get through my initial fears. Thank you all for listening and we'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to the Old School Food Freedom podcast. For over 20 years, finding balance has been helping people walk in freedom by discovering where Jesus fits into their struggles with food and body image. If you want more biblical truth and encouragement, head on over to findingbalance.com and subscribe to our free daily Vitamin Devotional. While you're there, explore our Christ Centered Lasting Freedom online course and small group tools.Chrissy [00:49:02]: You can help keep this ministry going by donating today at findingbalance.com. See you next time. The content in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat or prescribe a particular course of action. If you or someone you care about is battling an eating disorder or is experiencing unmanageable thoughts or feelings, please call 911 or in the US or visit your nearest emergency room.
