The Shift
As we left the restaurant, I had a big smile on my face, and I told her how delicious my lunch was and how I enjoyed every bite. I was filled with a feeling of true freedom, peace, and thanksgiving for my continued journey of healing.
Every day continues to be a challenge for me, yet these little shifts fill me with hope, hope that I will heal.
One Sleeve at a Time
That day on the bathroom floor, after crying for what seemed like hours, my eyes red and puffy from tears, I felt His presence surround me. I stood up, got dressed, telling myself, no more body checking.
The next morning, after taking off my pajamas, I walked past the mirror. I began the ritual, but something stopped me. No, I told myself, you don't need to do this.
The Treasure Behind the Mask
I was convinced that if I could just be anyone but me, my life would be so much better. I learned the art of hiding behind a mask.. I thought if I could just hide the real me, then I would be loved and I would be safe from harm. One thing I know now is that God is not ashamed of me or my story. He loves me for who I am, and I don’t have to pretend to be anybody else.
My Secret Struggle
No one would ever know my secret. And to be honest with you, I really felt like this was all normal because it's really all I ever knew. I felt very safe in my own cage, but I really wasn’t free at all.