Hold Me Fast
I agreed to cooperate with this treatment plan and allow Jesus to come into my heart just a little bit. While I was there, I met a girl my age who was fighting leukemia. She had to use a feeding tube just like mine, yet there was a major difference between her thoughts and mine regarding the tube. She welcomed it with immense joy as she knew her body needed the extra calories to fight her cancer. I, on the other hand, resented and despised my tube with all my being seeing it only as a way for my medical team to “make me fat.” But Jesus began to change my heart and mind…
A Beach Conversation
“Phew!” I thought, “I will have a few minutes to talk with some adults before I am needed again.” My new mom friend introduced me to several of her mom friends from our church, and we all began talking about our kids and the different stages of life we all were in. And then it happened, someone brought up a trigger point for me…exercise and workouts. Ugh! I felt a punch in my gut. My joy was about to fade. And then, by the grace of God, I heard a still small, gentle whisper.
Reflections
While that night was hard for both of us, I believe it was the first and most critical step of my wife's healing journey. This shared struggle led to deeper, more meaningful conversations throughout our 40-year marriage, and helped me to examine my own journey.
From "Gym" to "Spiritual Warfare Training Ground"
Going back to the gym. I was lost in thoughts of what that might look like; I was excited, yet at times I imagined scenes of people staring at me and talking about me. When I laid it at Jesus' feet, He showed me how important this decision would be, both physically and spiritually.