Instead of the usual eggs and toast, I ate a couple of cookies for breakfast this morning. They weren’t oatmeal or whole grain cookies or anything even remotely justifiable as a decent, healthy start to my day. I had two small sugar cookies with sprinkles and icing. And a cup of coffee. And a banana… just for good measure.
The decision to have cookies for breakfast was not any monumental moment for me. I won’t spend the rest of the day binging on crazy amounts of processed sugar. I won’t feel guilty about it all day or worry about the scale or try to go run it off at the gym for an hour. I can eat two sugar cookies for breakfast and move on about my day enjoying the fact that balance in my life involves giving in to my inner cookie monster sometimes.
Last month, I celebrated five full years of running towards freedom from my eating issues. In the past five years, I had my first full-time grown-up job, moved across the country twice, and married my best friend. Lots of life has happened in five years, and in all of this time, by grace alone, I have managed to keep running after freedom. Five years ago, a cookie breakfast would’ve been the start to an entire day (or week or month) of defeat in the cycle of my eating disorders. But at a low point in that cycle, I made the decision to get rid of the extreme thinking, and I made the choice to start running after the freedom God offers me…one balanced decision at a time.
Psalm 119:32 says, “I run in the path of Your commands, for You have set my heart free.” As I have wrestled with God and fought for freedom in the past few years, I have learned nothing more important than the fact that running toward freedom requires endurance and consistency. If I am going to run after all that God has for me, I have to be okay with the idea that this is not a sprint. It’s an endurance run. And I can continue running because my heart has already been set free – by God’s grace.
Although I’m not perfect and I don’t always choose to be obedient in this journey, I am learning to keep running after freedom one day, one decision, and one meal at a time – chasing freedom for the long haul. I certainly haven’t arrived at perfection, but… eating two sugar cookies with sprinkles and icing for breakfast? Well, I like to think of it as one small (and enjoyable) victory.
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