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“Bad” and “Good” Foods

Posted on April 16th, 2014 by in Positive Parenting | 0 Comments  
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For much of the time I struggled with EDNOS, a lot of it centered around two things: “good” foods and “bad” foods. Putting foods in categories like this helped to create a shortcut for me: if I knew a food was “good”, I didn’t have to worry (well, more like obsess) about it later. When I was working through my eating issues and seeing a nutritionist, she helped me to see foods as neither bad nor good, but neutral, so…

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Burning Bridges

Posted on April 7th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 3 Comments  
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I’m not a pyrotechnic, I don’t even like fire very much. I am however a master at lighting a match and burning bridges that join me to other people. I stand on one side thinking I am doing both of us good as I watch our relationship go up in flames and they stand at the other side helplessly. Some desperately try to squelch the flame and others wish they had lit the match themselves. Sometimes it only takes one…

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Shame: Personal, Permanent, Pervasive

Posted on April 3rd, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 1 Comment  
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It all started with shame. I was ashamed of who I was. No, I wasn’t a terrible person and I never endured much of what other women have that evokes shame. But I wasn’t super smart or super pretty or super athletic or super funny. I was simply plain, run-of-the-mill average. And I was ashamed. For fourteen years, anorexia allowed me to excel at something. No one wanted to compete with me, but I competed with everyone. In my malnourished…

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Welcome Change

Posted on March 20th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 3 Comments  
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I wanted to write about something different—anything different. But the same hurdles, daily grind and daily graces of yesterday are still facing me today. And it’s from that place of broken melodies, tear-spattered journals and explosive worship-dancing in the kitchen, that all my articles come from. Most of my blog posts and articles for the past eight years tell some portion of my recovery from anorexia, or the lingering pain of a lonely marriage or the sad goodbyes of frequent…

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“I Surrender All”

Posted on March 13th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 0 Comments  
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Preoccupied with thoughts of how I would fit a run into my busy Sunday, I wasn’t paying attention to what was going on around me until I was jolted back to reality by the plate of communion juice being passed to me. Holding the tiny communion cup, my prayers were quickly dissolving into musings about how many calories were in the communion meal when I noticed the song that was playing in the sanctuary, “I Surrender All”. Tears began rolling…

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Shame’s Sneaky Relatives

Posted on March 6th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 0 Comments  
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Shame: “The painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another:” That’s what dictionary.com says shame is. And, being the lover of words that I am, I knew that. So, I really didn’t think I had a shame problem. But that was before I knew that Shame has a half-sister and two evil step-daughters. I first met False Humility, Shame’s sneaky half-sister when I was a young teenager. I’ve always been average—not…

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Choosing What I Believe

Posted on February 20th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 2 Comments  
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In my struggle with anorexia, even once I admitted that I had a problem, the cruel lies that I didn’t want to believe anymore refused to leave. My mind felt like it was smoldering with shame and fear: You’ll be monstrously fat if you eat that. You’ll never be normal. Your family is so fed up with your stupidity. You’re such a failure you can’t even eat.  More than anything I wanted to know for sure: I won’t be fat…

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Mine Is The Story

Posted on February 13th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 2 Comments  
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After six years of full-blown anorexia, six years of tremulous recovery, three years of painful relapse and three years of telling God that I didn’t want to write a book—I started writing my story. It was difficult to argue with God when He brought me an agent. It was even more difficult to argue when He brought us a publisher. They believed in my story and believed it had the potential to help others affected by eating disorders. So, I…

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Why I Needed My Eating Disorder

Posted on February 3rd, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 0 Comments  
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I needed my eating disorder. Shocked? Good. Now stoke the flames of confusion for a minute because I’m not going to explain that right away. Remember game days in high school? On the day of a big basketball or football game, the halls buzzed with fervency. It was the only day in most public high schools that anyone wore a uniform. Football players wore ties and button-downs. Cheerleaders wore their skimpy skirts all day long. The night before, Coach had…

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Fat and Shame are Not the Same

Posted on January 31st, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 4 Comments  
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Fat and shame are not the same, but society today says they are. At a certain point in history and even in certain countries still, being fat is a sign of prosperity and wealth. What happened to our society? Where did we take a sharp turn and never look back? I’ve heard of parents banning the word from their home; schools sending letters to warn parents if their child is at risk for being fat and a celebrity even said,…

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