I am sixteen years old and weigh 110 pounds. I am very satisfied with my body, but I have developed a phobia of that changing. I am not necessarily scared to gain weight, just scared to not have a muscular and sculpted body. I obsess about food very often. After I have eaten a meal, I think about what I can eat for my next meal. It is very hard for me to enjoy “unhealthy” food without worrying about what it may do to my body. I cannot indulge in sweets or other foods high in fat and sugar because I continuously think about how it will make me look. To cushion my obsession, I often chew up cookies, brownies, etc and then spit them out- hoping to calm my thoughts. I do not count calories, I just feel guilty when eating too much or eating the wrong foods. I cannot stop thinking about food. I have been to a nutritionist because last year I was severely underweight. Now, I don’t have the problem but thoughts of food are having serious influences on my daily life. Please help me!! – SM
Dear SM,
I appreciate your honesty and courage in sharing your concerns. The feelings and fears you express are not uncommon. Recognizing that you need help is a huge and positive step!
So many girls and women feel extremely pressured to have bodies that look “perfect”—as defined by the media. This is a very narrow, superficial view of beauty. And the truth is, much of what we see—especially in magazines— is fantasy. I have a video that shows all the tricks of the trade for a fashion model shoot. They use tape, clamps, padding and girdles while photographing. Then, the actual photo is computer-edited to erase all lines and remove inches from body parts—to “perfection.” We need to stop believing that this is how we should look, because it isn’t even real!
At your age, your body is still growing and maturing, which is a good, healthy thing. It’s great that you were able to gain some weight under the guidance of a nutritionist last year. But I’m wondering if you are still chronically underfeeding yourself, because of your worries. Do you find yourself feeling hungry a lot? If you are constantly ignoring your body’s call for fuel, this could be worsening some of your food preoccupation.
I can honestly tell you as a nutritionist that enjoying occasional sweets and “fun foods” won’t do your body harm. It sounds like you are careful to make healthy choices most of the time, which is great. But it’s perfectly fine to have treats in moderation, as part of your overall healthy living (See “Eating Treat Foods Without Guilt”).
You really need to explore the issues behind your food fears, guilt, and practice of spitting out sweets. You must be so weary from worrying about your body and obsessing about food. You need a lot of support to help you overcome this, so it’s critical that you see a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. She (or he) will help you refocus your life so you can be free from your obsessions. In the meantime, read the article “Chewing and Spitting.”
Talk about this NOW with one of your parents or another adult you can trust (school counselor, family friend, pastor). If it will make it easier for you, show them the letter you wrote us, along with my response. Don’t put this off. Without help, you are heading in a dangerous direction. With help, your future is very bright.
Take care of yourself!
Ann