Please help. Sorry if this is kinda long, but I have a wonderful 18 month old and I want to be healthy and be around for her. I’ve been struggling with yo yo dieting for some time now. I lost a lot of weight recently and got down to about *** pounds, but now I’ve gained about 10 of those back. (I’m 5’5). The problem is, I already feel as if I’m a financial burden on my family. My ex-fiance still helps me financially, but I don’t want to ask for new clothes, nor can I afford the bingeing any more. I spend what little money I have so I won’t spend it on food, but I still end up in the binge/starve cycle. Sometimes I get so depressed after I eat that I sit hyperventilating because I can feel the my skin stretching out with fat and I think I want to kill myself. Now I really feel like a burden, because I seriously think I need therapy, but that costs money that I don’t have. I don’t know what to do anymore. – anonymous
Dear anonymous,
Please get therapy. It sounds as though you need medical help as well. I am very worried about your physical health. I understand your not wanting to be a “burden,” but if people are offering to help, please let them. You will make it up to them by just getting better, trust me.
One option is to try and find a therapist in your area that will take you pro-bono (free), or on a sliding scale. I’m not sure where you are located but most therapists will see a certain number of clients free of charge or at a very discounted rate. Start by calling your local “mental health agency” in your county. Call the hospitals and ask for referrals. Also, read “Finding Treatment” for more information and ideas.
Please get some help. I can really hear that you want to get better and you want to be healthy for your child, and that’s a pretty good incentive for recovery.
Good luck to you.
Nicole Bourquin, M.S.
Dear anonymous,
I wanted to add a little thought for you as well. It sounds as though your life feels like it’s spinning out of control. You wonder, “Why do I do these things I don’t want to do?” and you feel guilty because you know you want more for you and for your daughter. Well I want you to know that there IS more. God does want you to be free. If you’ll just ask him, he’ll show you the path through the craziness of finding the help that you need. He knows everything about you, and he knows exactly who you need to talk to. So, even if you don’t feel comfortable doing so, I encourage you to just venture out there a little bit and ask God to show you what to do next. Compared to all the risks you’ve already taken with your health and your life, this could be one of the most rewarding things you could do for yourself.
There IS hope. There IS freedom. There IS life. I pray that God will help you find those things. He did it for me, so I know he can do it for you too.
Wishing you blessings on the journey,
Constance