As I read the previous submissions to your panel, my heart tinged with jealousy for the woman who is 5′ 4″ and 105 lbs, and all the others, even though I know they are unhealthy. I am 18 years old, 5′ 2″. When I was 13, I weighed 140 lbs. I dieted down to 105, which I maintained until about 2 years ago. I have not been able to get below 109, at my best, which is making me absolutely miserable. I am never able to enjoy any food. Even if I “splurge” on a little bit of cereal, I feel guilty. I haven’t eaten a bagel in years, because I see carbohydrates as a monster. I eat other carbs, though, but then feel guilty. Luckily, I don’t have a problem like binge-eating, and although I’ve been tempted, I have never attempted to purge. I am used to eating the things I like in moderation, but apparently that’s not working either. Is there a way for me to enjoy real food without feeling guilty, fat and miserable? Thank You.
– Miserably Feeling Fat
P.S. Your site is informative and well-presented. I am sure it has saved many lives. I would like to thank you for your efforts.
Dear MFF:
Yes! Absolutely there is a way to enjoy the eating process and not attack self for being “fat”. Food is not bad. Food is not the culprit. It is easy to focus on food, to play with our food, to restrict food, and become over involved in our bodies appearance.
Your note reveals what so many of us do…we make up expectations and rules to live by that are unrealistic. There is no trophy for being 5’2’’ and under 109.
Think about how weighing below 109 became so important to you. Your experience around age thirteen may have played a role in shaping your current expectations and food rules. What messages did you perceive about your body at 140? What did you believe was true then? When will you know you have reached a healthy, realistic, place with your weight?
You were created for more then diets and calorie restriction and life goals that tie you to performance based worth. You have raised the bar to stipulate that under 109 is the best. And that approach may be at the heart of disrupting your relationship with food. Although you may not purge it sounds as if you restrict and have constructed a “bad food” or “guilt food” list.
Ultimately, you are in charge of what you believe about you, about your worth, about your value, and about your purpose. What is your self dialog? What do you say to your self about you? The truth is that you were created for more than life at 105, calorie restriction, or carb free living. You only live once. Outside of a specific number on the scale what do you want to accomplish while you are here? What is your impact? How can you spend time on moving towards your overall purpose versus feeling guilt or miserable? It sounds as if that scale is doing more then reporting a number. It is defining your sense of success, your short-term goals, and your confidence. Throw the scale out. Choose life and not a number.
Live well and be free,
Leanne