I found your site by accident. I was looking for pro-ana and pro-mia websites, and you website came up in the results. That was totally God. So I was reading your blog, and it was the post called “The truth about my pit.” You were talking about a relationship that you keep pushing to the side. You said, “The hardest part of getting out of a pit is choosing to feel again.” You mentioned that, and I cried. I think that is the reason I’m struggling so much with getting out of this crappy, messed up disordered eating stuff. I don’t really want to feel the pain, so if I pretend it’s not happening, I don’t have to. I threw up blood the other day, and I have the worst stomach pain ever when I eat. I’m having heart palpations. I know I’m hurting myself, but I guess struggling is my life. If you have any bit of encouragement at all, it would be greatly appreciated. I just don’t see freedom from this, and I’m so discouraged. -Katie
Right off…no way to dance around it…throwing up blood, severe stomach pains, and heart palpations mean you need to be seen by a medical professional. The body must be stabilized. No doubt you are discouraged and do not think freedom is possible when your body is not in a place to think, to choose to change, and/or to be at peace. Please see your general practitioner (medical doctor) in order to prevent serious outcomes related to the symptoms you describe.
I read that you are in fact feeling something…that life for you is meant to be a struggle, physical pain, and emotional hurt from the realization that you are harming your own self. I, too, am thankful to God that you came upon our site. You are worth living a life free of pain and stepping into the future God has planned for you. Please go immediately for intervention. Ask your University counseling office for referrals for an eating disorder specialist in your area and have a medical evaluation.