“The gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.” Achilles (Quote from the movie Troy)
Yesterday I stood beneath the canopy of a violent thunder storm. I’d run into Michael’s, the arts and crafts store, and just as I was checking out, we heard the sky rip open and begin to dump its reservoirs. Taking my change, I went outside and huddled on the sidewalk, under a short overhang. I watched God direct a symphony in nature.
Thunder provided percussion and tiny raindrops played a rhythmic melody. Once motionless trees whipped back and forth as the wind threw up a magnificent spray. Almost instantly, I was soaked, head to toe despite the shelter. Mist like that of a monstrous ocean wave washed my face.
I had places to be. I needed to pick up the dog from the groomer, head home to make dinner and finish an article I’m working on, but for almost a half hour, I leaned back against the rough brick building, and I was. I chose to simply be in the storm.
There’s something about nature that evokes praise in me. I began to thank God for many things, but specifically, in that moment, for healing me of anorexia and reintroducing me to true beauty. Thunder rolled in successive rumbles. It sounded like my almighty God answering me, assuring me of His complete control over my life – over all the world.
In a quiet dawning, against the backdrop of the storm, God began to show me how much He has been changing inside of me as much as outside. Not so many years ago, this storm would made me afraid. Not of thunder and lightening, but of deeper, anxious things.
As the storm raged, the temperature dropped ten degrees. In the past, I was too thin, with no fat to insulate my body. There’s no way I could have enjoyed this moment as thoroughly.
Rainy days used to make me fretful about the next morning’s run. How could I get in a long workout to burn enough calories if it was pouring rain?
When anorexia controlled my mind and choices, I was unable to think of anything except food and exercise. Even in the midst of this beautiful storm, I would have been pondering what was for dinner, if I’d worked out hard enough that day, or how many calories were in the string cheese I ate before I left the house.
We know that there is only one God and that He does not envy us, but longs to shape us more into the image of His Son, Jesus Christ. But that doesn’t change the very real beauty of our mortality.
I have no purchase in tomorrow. I have no power over the day before. But in this one, singular moment, I can find God and enjoy the beauty of His love for me, evidenced in creation.
Beauty and Happiness, video
Puzzled Over Pieces, Abby Kelly
The Art of Being, book by Constance Rhodes