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Positive Parenting

Pornography Puts Holes in the Covering

At our last meeting of The Abba Project the topic centered on the way that earthly dads are a model of God the Father. I know there’s a ton of pressure for imperfect, finite, human dads to step into shoes that are way too big for them to fill as they impact their children in significant ways that often affect them in being pro-God or anti-God.

Though I’ve never included the topic of pornography in our dads group before, I did include it this time around.

The reason? I recently received an email from a 26-year old girl asking if I had ever talked to the dads about this issue because she had been negatively impacted throughout her life by her dads lack of wisdom in looking at inappropriate material when she was around. I immediately knew it was important for me to address this issue with the men.

I shared that when a dad brings pornography into his house (magazines, online, movies, etc.) he is creating holes in the covering over his home. Rather than helping to create and defend a safe environment, he is dangerously exposing his family to dark spiritual forces because of his lack of discretion in this area.

I can tell you honestly that I was expecting resistance and defensiveness from the 11 men who sat in the room that night…but that didn’t happen! The guys began to share that they agreed with me, particularly with the part about holes in the covering over their home as a result of that behavior.

The truth is that when fathers choose to view inappropriate sexual material it has a very negative impact on their daughters.

Here are a few responses from women (over the age of 18) who I interviewed on this subject. The question I asked was: If you were to tell your dad how you really feel about his behavior if he watches porn, what would you say?

  • I would tell him to get it together. I would tell him that the woman he’s watching having sex on the screen is someone’s daughter. How would he like it if I was on that screen doing those things that those women were doing? Yuck! It makes me lose trust with him and it makes me disrespect him.
  • Please stop. I don’t know how you view those women but I don’t want to be viewed as someone that can be taken advantage of at your will.
  • I would tell him he’s disgusting and I would ask him how he would feel if he popped in a tape and saw his little girl in the starring role. If he feels like he needs the porn or is entitled to it then maybe he needs help to address what he is really missing in his life that he is filling with the porn.
  • I’d want to ask if he or the men who view porn think they are contributing to the epidemic of sex trafficking in the USA.

I know this is a heavy topic but as we talk about Positive Parenting I wanted to open up dialogue on this issue. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Join the discussion 7 Comments

  • Elena says:

    This is an interesting post, I’ve never thought much about this before, but my father kept porn in the house and viewed it on our family computer and sometimes would leave it on the screen (not sure if this was on purpose or not). I think I first found it around 10 or 11 years old. I can’t really even begin to explain how this disgusted me, made me feel unsafe around him, and didn’t want him touching me at all-my stomach is turning thinking about it. Like I said, I haven’t thought much about this (and honestly don’t want to) but probably need to explore this more. Thank you for this post Michelle.

    • Michelle Watson says:

      Thanks Elena for sharing honestly here, even the part about your body feeling yucky just when writing this. I applaud your courage to do more work on it, knowing that your body is talking in the only language it has. “It” is telling you something. It helps me to remember that when something is coming up, it’s coming up to be healed.

      Have you ever considered writing a letter to your dad or telling him how all of this has made you feel? I know that sometimes it’s not wise or safe to go in that direction but just wondered if you’d ever chosen to open up with him as a way to give yourself a voice and not hold it inside anymore.

      Blessings to you, Michelle

      • Elena says:

        That’s something that really hit me hard yesterday-how my body is talking to me and what those feelings mean or are demanding. It’s overwhelming and scares me quite a bit-but, like you said, those things are coming up to be healed-and I’ve been praying for deep emotional healing lately so this shouldn’t surprise me 🙂

        Unfortunately, it would not be wise for me to bring this up with my dad-somehow it would end up being my fault-I’m not sure I’ll ever have a voice with him. Thank you for your words and suggestion though, I appreciate it! Bless you~

      • Michelle Watson says:

        Good call on knowing when or if it’s time to talk to your dad. Yet when it comes to your own healing you can give a voice to what’s coming up while trusting Jesus to guide you (as I already shared). So often the fear is greater before heading into the actual “stuff” but once we start getting the emotions and memories out there can be great relief and clarity. I will pray that over you right now. Hugs and prayers, Michelle

      • Elena says:

        Thank you Michelle

  • Eugene Hung says:

    Wow, Michelle, I was actually considering a post on this very subject! I’m glad you brought it up as part of The Abba Project. Sexual addiction is such a prevalent, yet non-addressed, issue in so many of our churches (not to mention society at large). If we don’t bring it up – who will?

    • Michelle Watson says:

      Hi Eugene….you’re right that we have to talk about this sensitive subject and start bringing it into the light. Plus, we know that porn addiction isn’t just something that plagues guys; Girls are now struggling with it more than ever. I’m hopeful that the dialogue can open up here. And with HFH this year being on Sex and Skinny there will be even more information, dialogue and input on this topic, especially in the way that this all intersects with eating disorders.

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