Confession time: I haven’t weighed myself in years. I don’t say that arrogantly – there was a time in my life where it seems as though weighing myself was all I did – but I don’t own a scale at home, because my husband forbade one when we got married four years ago; and over time, the temptation has waned to hop on the scale each morning the way I used to. After so long without constantly weighing, its thrill wore off. I forgot about it entirely and focused on other things, like using that extra time each day to sleep in, or getting to read one more article online before work. And it really has been so freeing.
Now, though, at my doctor’s appointments, I have found myself paying attention to the scale again, but in a different way. It doesn’t have the power over me it once had; on the contrary, it’s changed. Before, my ED really did a number on my metabolism, and slowed it down so that I could never really lose any more, so any weight I gained was “bad.” But today, I ask different questions. “Am I gaining enough weight for my baby? Am I making sure to eat when I’m hungry?”
Before, I’d focus stringently on what I was eating, labeling foods as “good” and “bad.” When I worked with a nutritionist, I even found “scary” foods, or foods I had become afraid to eat! Now, when I look back on my day, I see where I’ve had more fat or protein or carbohydrates, and I find it interesting. There is no good or bad anymore – or at least, not as much as there used to be. Wow, I think, when I look back at my cravings. My body really needed that today! I focus on the thought that if I listen to my body, then I must also be listening to what my baby needs.
I see it as a great first step as a mom, listening. Hopefully it’s a skill I’ll be able to develop more and more once he’s born!
Until next time!