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I’m Not Fighting

Posted on September 11th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 0 Comments  
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Since merging into a full life of freedom from anorexia, I’ve been honored to turn and shine a lantern over a hopeful path for several dear friends who are in the midst of their own battles with eating disorders. There have been a lot of boulders, bumps and storms lately. Last week, one friend, I’ll call her Janey, emailed me with a heavy heart. To paraphrase her letter, “My therapist told me yesterday that she doesn’t think I’ll ever fully…

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I Still Want A Perfect Body

Posted on September 4th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 0 Comments  
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I’m not ready to give up on the absolute, perfect body. I’m not ready to relegate my hope for unique beauty to a figment of imagination or the realm of special lighting and secret camera angles. If you’ve read my book, don’t worry. I’m not headed off the deep end, tumbling back into the abysmal nightmare called anorexia. Hear me out. Recently, I was praying about beauty, American ideals, excess, poverty and screwed up priorities. I didn’t really expect to…

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The Truth About Social Media–And How It’s Wrecking Us

Posted on August 28th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 0 Comments  
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I burned out this summer. I burned out on vacation because doesn’t it always happen this way? You find yourself sitting on the beach with your brother and sisters and their kids, crying to the sounds of Tom Petty crooning across the water. Because you’ve lost yourself again, in the waves of social media. You’ve forgotten your status is not comprised of hashtags or a few well-worded statements; it’s not in the bestseller’s rank on Amazon or the mentions on…

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Taking Advantage of Grace

Posted on August 21st, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 0 Comments  
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Daddy put his finger to his lips, puckered and made a hushing sound as we climbed out of the station wagon, a block from our final destination. He didn’t need to, we’d gone over the rules and I was an eager accomplice. I wouldn’t make a peep. I put my hand in Daddy’s; his palm felt a little sticky. That was funny because I knew Daddy wasn’t scared. But I saved my questions for later. With a wink, Daddy patted…

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Unpolished Perfection

Posted on August 14th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 0 Comments  
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My tires crunch down their gravel drive at a measly eight-miles-per hour. Every time I make this trip, I keep a sharp eye out for old-fashioned bicycles laid quickly (never carelessly) beside the way. As far as I can see, rows of corn tickle the horizon—just where clear, blue sky kisses the sun-scorched fields. It’s amazing how resilient these crops are. They are not brilliant green anymore, instead coated with a fine layer of dust and bronzed by the unrelenting…

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Obsessed with “Less”

Posted on August 7th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 0 Comments  
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I’ll just admit it. I’m a tight-wad. And I’m not just talking about money. This has been part of my eating disorder, too. I don’t feel like I deserve things. I want to prove my worth by living on less: less food, less water, less sleep, less money. But lately, God has been confronting me with the idea of generosity, towards others, towards him, and towards myself. Can I let go and let God? Can I open up my fists…

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Tarnished Tiara

Posted on July 31st, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 10 Comments  
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I sat on a swing at the park! As a little girl, I loved playing outside with anything that would allow my hair to blow in the wind. The little girl in me is alive and well today, and the swings were calling her name. Walking past the young mom while asking her to not mind little old me, I noticed the eyes of her toddler tracking me. Soon enough, she asked her mom if she could do ‘that’ as…

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I Don’t Want to Look Like an iPhone

Posted on July 24th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 0 Comments  
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God got on a soapbox this week. It started with a random email devotional from Desiring God ministries. I was curled in bed, determined to read the requisite “good stuff” before diving into the middle of my novel. The article by Tony Reinke was titled, “Six Ways Your iPhone is Changing You.” Under the heading, “We become like what we behold”, Reinke wrote, “What we love to behold is what we worship. What we spend our time beholding shapes our…

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A Prayer so Powerful It Raises the Dead

Posted on July 17th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 0 Comments  
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It’s a wonder I still believe prayer works. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely do believe prayer is powerful and effective. It can change the course of history. Earth is still spinning 24 hours behind where it should be based on the creation timeline—ever since Joshua asked God to make the sun stand still. Prayer works, but I have personally prayed for many things that never happened, for blessings that never materialized, healing that took forever and sometimes never came….

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Death is Hard. Life is Harder–But Worth It

Posted on July 10th, 2014 by in Chasing Freedom | 1 Comment  
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A friend of mine died from anorexia. Her death changed me and my recovery more than I ever imagined. We were a lot alike. When we first met, we all but hated each other. But as time went on, we realized that having a friendship was better than being enemies and became excellent encouragers for one another. We prayed before meals and prayed before bed. We gave each other looks that said “I hate this too, but we’ve got this.”…

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