In Transit

I’m not really as amazing as I could be. Sometimes it feels like I’m perpetually in transit.

As a young 20-something about to graduate college, I should have something cool lined up. I should be going overseas or leading the charge against injustices or doing a program like YWAM on the beach. God should be opening doors for me now, if He really wants me to be amazing like I should be or like other people tell me I have potential to be.

But He isn’t.

As I’ve wrestled with this, I’ve found myself wondering if God thinks I’m not mature enough or ready for His overall purpose for my life, because it’s not happening right now, and I have no clue how to make it happen, or even what it specifically looks like. So, for now, I am working to make money, not because it is my calling, but because I have to be responsible with what I’ve been given.

Times of waiting and transition like this one honestly cause me to question everything that God has ever called me to do. I catch myself believing that because I am working a job just to provide for myself, I’ve somehow messed up, and God doesn’t want to use me for that specific passion He placed on my heart months or years ago. If I’m not careful, I can easily start to internalize that I thwarted God’s plan because I did or didn’t choose this or that, and then lose motivation, hope, and vision.

What I’m learning is that it’s the times when it’s hard to see God’s hand that determine whether my faith is just an idea or an actual, daily, conscious action. It’s those times of transition and confusion that show Him whether I’m “ready,” and “ready” might not look or feel like I think it will. “Ready” is not a place of spiritual achievement or a checklist. “Ready” is a place of humility, service, and gratitude in times when I don’t feel the least bit utilized or holy. Ultimately, “ready” is on God’s timetable, not mine.

This is not some sort of reckless, yet admirable concept reserved only for Christians who spend weeks at a time in the woods with their Bibles. Flexibility is a fundamental element of following God with everything, not just church attendance on Sundays. The honest truth is that He has been providing for my life here, piece by piece, in this season.

The truth is that we can all try to impress people, and each time, come to the conclusion that we’re just not as amazing as we should be by now. There will always be someone doing something bigger, better, and cooler. There will always be someone who is more attractive with a more interesting personality or life. However, there is only one “me”, and there’s only one “you”, and He’s working things together for our good.

We may just have to come to terms with the fact that our “good” in that verse actually refers to “His good” for us, which often feels questionable in the present but always much better in hindsight.

“We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.”
Romans 8:28

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